A basketcase of emotions

Apologies apologies for not writing lately. I have good reason. Very good reason. But it feels good right now to just sit down at the computer and finally get out all of what I've been holding in this past week. So many emotions and so few people to talk with about them. Uchk, I miss home right now. A lot.

It all begins a week ago from today. Maura and Danielle (Chicago girls) had finished their last week of their program and had moved in to a B & B about a 15 min. walk away from the CCS house. They extended their flight to stay for an extra week in order to finally get around to doing so many things we hadn't done during the previous month. Sunday morning the girls and I were supposed to be picked up for a one-day safari at 5:15 in the morning. The van had not come by 6:15 so we called it off for the day and I told them to stay at the B & B. The van eventually showed up at 7:00 a.m. but by that time there was no way we were going. Eventually we reconvened and the three of us along with our friend Jordin (from California) hiked the 1 hour 45 minutes up Table Mountain. Holy crap. When I'm at school I work out on a fairly regular basis. By the time I left for SA I was running about 2 miles a day so I didn't think hiking up this mountain would be too hard. WRONG. I didn't realize what a completely different workout it is to climb UPWARDS into a high altitude. We were stopping every 1-2 minutes to catch our breath so we were shocked when we made it in under 2 hours because we were told it would take between 2-2 1/2 hours. The entire time I wanted to cry and nearly did when I reached the top because I was so so happy and proud of myself. The mountain is 3,600 ft. tall and we started the hiking route at 1,200 ft. The view was breathtaking and I felt as if I finally began to challenge myself here. By the end of our day we were exhausted and Maura and Danielle returned to their B & B and Jordin and I returned to homebase.

Around 7 pm we made plans with all of the new volunteers (who had arrived the day earlier) to go out to nearby bar called Roots. It's a ten minute taxi ride away and we planned on leaving once Maura and Danielle arrived at the house around 8:15. Right about that time our house alarm went off but we assumed someone had tripped it up on accident. However, one member of our program came running in yelling that the people outside were being held at gunpoint. Not knowing what to do, nearly 20 of us locked ourself in the biggest bathroom while listening to someone pound on the outside door which we had locked. We were all frantically dialing people in our phones such as staff members, previous staff members, and whoever we could think of to help us. Eventually someone opened the door and unlocked the front door to discover Maura and Danielle in hysterics.

The girls had decided to walk to the house because it was such a close walk. The sun had set just an hour earlier and by this time in our program we had been feeling very safe in our neighborhood. They were wearing jeans, jackets, baseball caps and gym shoes. They carried with them their purses and right at the corner of our street, literally 30 SECONDS from our house, three men held them at gunpoint and took their purses. They stood their frozen and men turned around only to come back again to frisk their pockets looking for more and stealing Maura's hat and Danielle's fake 30 cent diamond ring from the party store. The girls ran to the house and the guard let them in and tripped off the alarm to call ADT to the house.

ADT and the police arrived shortly and the girls went through all of the necessary procedures. I went to the B & B with a staff member to collect their expensive belongings and the girls and I spent the night at the Westin hotel downtown. They needed to escape from our neighborhood to a quiet place where they could call their parents and make all of the important phone calls to their credit card companies and banks. None of us got much sleep that night but at least they had a hot shower and a late night dinner. It's a shame we went there under those circumstances because the Westin is probably the nicest chain hotel in Cape Town. It has a gym, full breakfast buffet, a shower AND bathtub, a flat screen tv (with CNN!) and of course, down pillows and comforters.

The girls came back to homebase the next day and were put up for free by the program until their flight Saturday. By Tuesday however the girls had finally decided that it was time to catch an earlier flight home. They no longer felt comfortable leaving the house and truly, what good would it do them to sit inside the house all day while we were at placement? What would they do at night? Despite the fact that they would not be going on a safari or be able to see Robben Island on this trip, going back home to Chicago was the best decision for the girls. I'm glad they made it because it's the only place in the world that would have comforted them and made them feel safe. The poor things-they paid $200 (apiece) to change their flight the first time to extend for a week and then they paid another $200 to change it back after getting mugged. You'd THINK the airlines would show some sympathy. Yeah, what optimism that is.

You may be asking yourself, why were these two girls walking from one place to another in the dark? Before blame in placed on them you have to think about comfortable we all are in our home surroundings. We were forced to adapt so quickly to this house and this neighborhood that it felt like we lived here forever. We had heard about all of this crime in Cape Town but in our own little neighborhood next to college town, at the corner by our house, it just didn't seem possible. Perhaps they should have taken a cab. But I cannot say I wouldn't have made the same choice to walk because it's very likely that had I been with them, I would have walked as well.

Here is where the situation gets very complex. Apparently the previous Friday evening two men were caught jumping our back fence into the yard. The security guard shooed them away and the situation turned out to be harmless. HOWEVER, we were never notified about this by the program. They claim that because the situation was handled there was no reason to notify us. The alarm had been tripped off but only one member of the house heard it and saw the police when they came. The alarm apparently was not very loud (until ADT increased the volume this week) and no one woke up by Jill, who is in her late 50s. She was told not to scare the new volunteers coming in and that she should not talk about it. Now, perhaps if we had been warned about this Maura and Danielle would have never walked knowing that men were prowling around our house. Or maybe they still would have walked. We never know and I'm not placing blame on anyone except for the three schmucks who held my friends at gunpoint. No one to blame but them.

By Monday morning the girls were feeling a tad better and they returned to the house. An all-house meeting regarding security took place at lunchtime and that is when things exploded here. Some of the new volunteers (who, mind you, had only been here for 48 hours) were questioning why people walk around at night. Essentially, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, these people were placing blame on Maura and Danielle. Veteran volunteers who had been here for 2 months brought up a plethora of issues they had begun to notice including some conspiracies about employee dissent and the large lack of safety regarding fire drills and lock down drills should there be in intruder (like what we had originally thought was happening). It was a firestorm of placing blame, yelling, attitudes, and if you ask me, one too many wives in the kitchen trying to put their two cents in. It only made Maura and Danielle feel worse and more anxious about being in this house. Things were brought up that I never thought about and I began to realize how unsafe this environment may be.

Since then new procedures have been put in order. We now have 2 security guards at night to keep an eye on the front AND back gate. Everyone now has the police # stored in their cell phone (if they have one), the electric gate in back is getting electrified (had it not been? was it broken?), ADT increased the volume of the alarm, and motion lights are supposedly being installed. At first it really seemed that the staff was not taking our concerns seriously but by Tuesday we were informed of all of the changes being made. I guess a lot of phone calls had been placed by parents to the CCS headquarters in NY. People were very very nervous. Five other girls had also booked rooms at the Westin that evening because they did not feel comfortable in their own home. Shame.

Things have improved now and I sleep easier knowing that my closest friends here are at home with their families and friends, eating hot dogs and watching American football. I just asked of them that they not remember Cape Town for what happened to them but for what it was as a whole. I mean, these are two tough south side Irish Catholic girls. They're bartenders and have to walk to their car every night after 2 a.m. when their shift is done. This could have happened here, or when they vacationed in Mexico, or at 3 in the afternoon when no one was around. Getting held at gunpoint can occur no matter what you do to prevent it. Unless you walk around with a police escort 24/7 there is no way to stop criminals like these 3 men. But what Maura and Danielle have promised me is that they will take the lesson from this experience and remember their trip for how much they affected the people they worked for in the townships and for all of the exciting and adventurous trips we took. It's hard to sleep at night knowing that your friends had to go through so much pain and fear. I only wish it had happened to me, that I had been the one to deal with these consequences because it was so traumatizing just to watch see how anguish they were in. Yes, we must all be more aware from now on, but no, we cannot live in fear for the rest of our lives. I'll never question taking a taxi ever again but I will not fear living in Africa.

I guess what I'm most fortunate for is that even though this didn't happen to me directly, it affected me in a deep way. From every misfortune and tragedy there is a lesson to be learned, and as we all know my family learned that early on. I'm still learning what exactly God's plans are for me but this is only one more experience that is shaping what I will do with my life and how I will construct who I am.

I'm also so fortunate that my parents were so amazing through all of this. I called the house immediately to tell them where I would be that night and how they could get a hold of me. Nana was very calm and mommy called me soon after. At one point I was having doubts about staying here, that perhaps I needed to come home and get away from this disaster. She assured me that I did not need to come home and that I still had so much to accomplish here. She and my dad helped Danielle and Maura's parents wire transfer money here and of course Denise suggested room service to make us all feel better. I saw another side of my dad during those few days. He was more compassionate, gentle, and kind than I'm used to seeing Sandy. At one point Danielle answered my cell phone and he told her how sorry he was about her situation and that it should never have happened to them. He went back and forth with their parents assisting them with the banks and found out a way for me to get some emergency cash from the credit card since I was the only one out of the three of us with any access to money. Let me remind you-my parents have never met Maura or Danielle. They just know them as the two Chicago girls who are my close friends here. It's not like it's Eliza or Chase or Mary or Liz or Beth or the girls from home who they know and love. These are total strangers to my parents, yet they did everything in their power to help them through such a difficult time. I am eternally grateful and so lucky to have them.


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New topic: What the heck is going on now here

So, this new group came in and we have a FULL house. We have four very nice boys and about 20 girls. They range from 18-67 and come from England, Canada, Boston, Hawaii, Chicago, Arkansas, all over. It's very different being with all of these new people because you really develop the closest relationships with the people in your own group who arrived the same day as you. There are still about 7 of us from my group and 2 from the group before us but other than that, we're outnumbered. It's fun to watch them come in and scramble to do everything and go to all the big sights because I've already done and now I'm just chillin'. We still have to hit up Robben Island but one of the newbies booked that for next Friday. I miss the old group and I just wish they would come back here so things seem normal again. It's not as if I don't like the new people, they are actually really really amazing but there are just SO MANY of them. I have to wait in line for lunch, the showers, the computers, and of course the vans are packed for placement and that's the last thing I want to deal with after wrangling my kids all morning.

This week the schools were on holiday so Ryder (my new Luthando volunteer) and I had help from Hillary (my previous other partner who is now teaching dance at a school permanently) and another volunteer named William who will be working at a school for the rest of his three months here. A lot of the children stayed at home this week because of the holiday and we also had help from some 10-13 year olds who came to Luthando during the day because their little brothers/sisters are there and they have nowhere to go while their parents are at work. To have four people with my kids was AMAZING. I left each and every day feeling as if we had really given them all of the attention they deserve. They loved to play with the boys bears and climb all over them since they're huge. They loved having Hillary back because she brings the iPod and the dance music. And it was nice not feeling overwhelmed and frazzled at the end of day because I knew that we gave the kids the best care they could get. Until the end of the month it will just be Ryder and I but two are better than one. I'm starting to work this week on getting donations from the stores in the community for toys and such. It's part of my long term goal to increase their resources so the children will have something to play with even if there are no volunteers there to work with them. Anyone interested in sending anything please e-mail me and we can try to work something out. I know I'm not supposed to donate to them myself but what can I do if an anonymous donation gets sent to them? Oh well.... :-)

So much more to write so I'll end it now and start again on Tuesday or Thursday.

Miss you all a lot. Especially now that the girls are gone I'm getting homesick again. 23 more days!